One year and seven months isn’t a short time, and if this really is the end, I can’t leave without saying goodbye properly, from the bottom of my heart

December 15th, 2023. Even with everything that happened afterward, I still consider that day special. It’s the day we got together, the day I felt truly happy for the first time in a long while. You were something else. I had never met anyone like you before, and I absolutely loved that. I was obsessed, in the sweetest way. I hung your pictures on my wall, I slept with a pillow that had your face on it... I’ve never done that for anyone else but you

You know... you’ve always been perfect in my eyes. Even with your flaws, you remained special to me. I smiled at the thought of you at random times. I never did that for anyone else. You were the first. And in so many ways, you were perfect. I adored everything about you. I became so attached

But somewhere along the way, I started feeling like I wasn’t enough. Like I was trying and still falling short. We fight, fix things up, and fight again. I kept thinking, "what am I doing wrong?" I tried to be better. I changed my profile to look cuter, used all those kaomojis I never usually touch, tried to talk and act in ways I thought might make you smile, like how milk did. Because I wanted to be your joy, your peace, your comfort. I wanted to be everything you needed

But your words showed me that I never really made you happy. And that truth hurts more than I can explain

I can’t sleep without wondering what I should have done differently. I question myself constantly, "what does he want?", "what makes him smile?", "why can’t I figure it out?" That frustration turned into moments where I acted out, become violent and I hate that. I wasn’t trying to be difficult. I was just desperate to be enough for you...

I wanted to be your light, your source of happiness, your reason to laugh, like she does. But now I failed at all of that. that’s where the anger came from, not because I stopped caring or falling out of love with you, but because I cared too much and didn’t know how to fix what was breaking. I failed you as your girlfriend, all I ever wanted is to make you happy

But above all else, I want you to take care of yourself now. I know you overthink, so please don’t let this be something that weighs on you... And if letting me go brings you peace… then I’ll accept that. Because more than anything, even now, I still want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me :c

Thank you for everything. for the laughs, the moments, the late night talks, even the tears and sad moments. I’ll treasure them, always. No matter how this ends, you were a beautiful part of my life, and I'll never forget that